Time to Catch Up

For those of us who are chronically behind in everything, this is one of those rambling posts that tries to cover everything, and undoubtedly fails miserably (I'll forget something!).So last month, I had both a job and a bacteria named Buddy.  I've lost both, one perhaps due to the other(stupid job gave me a bacteria?) And so the search goes on for gainful employment lalala.  The bacteria finally succumbed to some heavy-duty antibiotics, and my Dear Wife (who had a birthday yesterday and I remembered!) decided, in an attempt at complete and utter control over me a show of concern for my physical well-being, to make an appointment for me to have a COMPLETE physical (gaack!).  The BIG day arrived and off we went to the doctor's office to have blood drawn and instruments of torture inserted into random orifices and an exam.  OF THE MOST COMPLETE KIND.  Have I mentioned how much I dislike getting a physical?  As in a dislike so intense and pure that I haven't had one in 10 years?????? No? Well, I just did.  Anyway.  I should mention that before Buddy the Bacteria there was Cranky Billy the Chronic Bronchitis, and while was I having a chest xray, she made appointments for MAMMOGRAMS!!!!! (SHE IS SOOO MEAN TO ME!)  My dislike of mammies is only slightly less than my hatred of physicals, so you can get an idea of how my winter has been going.  So, the mammy comes back fine, no problems for either of us, and we are just waiting for the doctor to call and say everything else is good.  Well, the doctor called and said "we have your blood test results, and you need to come in to see me".  WHAT?????  I immediately have a panic attack (and try to hide it) because I must be dying or something (Have you met me?  I'm Piglet. Worry, worry, worry.) Debbi's results are good, some even better than expected. Me?  I have a THYROID!  And he is apparently on strike (who knew there was a union?)  So I have to take this medication to get my thyroid, whom I have named Tim, by the way, in honor of the bridge keeper in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

On a somewhat brighter note, LA!, I got a JOB.  Full time.  Monday through Friday.  With the IRS!  Yup, you heard me, the IRS.  Hey!  Someone has to move those heavy bags of tax returns!  I start on March 3, so I'll let you know how that's going.  In the meantime, my really nasty doctor (mentioned above) decided that Debbi should not be allowed to have all the fun being SO MEAN TO ME, so SHE made me go to the eye doctor. So, of course, something else had to be wrong with me. Gawd!!!  I have an ASTIGMATISM!! I don't even know what that is!!!!  Where did it come from?  Can I send it back??  I don't want it!!! Then the nice (!!!!) eye doctor tells me I have to see a RETINA SPECIALIST.  WTF?  Because there is a history of MACULAR DEGENERATION in my family (thanks, Mom!).  Am I done yet?  (I haven't mentioned the dentist yet, have I?  Then, NO, I'm not done.)  The upshot of this is, thankfully, there is no sign of macular degeneration and I don't have to go back to the retina specialist for 40 years, according to him.  I DO, however need to wear BIFOCALS, DAMMIT!  Mostly because if I knit, I can't see the TV, and if I watch TV, I can't see the knitting!!  Meanwhile in the midst of all this drama, I've been to the dentist 4 times to have my upper teeth fixed.  2 more visits and I should be done.  By the way, I'd rather have a Pap smear and a mammogram at the same time  on the same day than go to the dentist.  Just sayin'.  I think I'm done.  And just in time for SPA!!!!

Comments

[Julie]

Ugh, I'm with you. The dentist is my least favorite.

[Lucia]

Well, I'm glad you at least got that all out of the way in time for SPA. I think I saw you in the distance at one point. Hope you had as much fun as I did.